So - How Am I Doing?
I have been getting so many emails asking me how I am doing and what my progress is, probably because I have not been posting. (You think? Duh.)
But it has really surprised me how many people want to know about me. I told y'all I would keep you informed, and I haven't. I apologize. I have not wanted to post, because I have not been happy with myself. But I also promised you guys "the good, the bad, and the ugly". So, you have a right to know my failures as well as my successes. This surgery is a huge decision. I do not want anyone ever to go in blind. I still believe in this surgery, if you read this through all the way to the end you will understand why. But it is not the easy route to go by any means. Don't be fooled by the haters that call it "cheating".
I am holding kind of steady at the halfway point. I feel very unhappy about my weight loss - because I was doing so well, and then got off track. I keep forgetting to look at what I HAVE lost.
I initially lost 90 lbs, then gained about 50 back - so have a net loss of 40 lbs. That's still 40 pounds that I lost and have kept off. Which is more than I was ever able to do on any diet I did. (But we women always are so hard on ourselves aren't we?)
For me, some of my biggest obstacles are that I suffer from Clinical Depression and am treated for it. The medications for Depression often have a side effect of causing weight gain. Which is plausible, but I exacerbate it. On my really down days I do not want to leave the house and face people, and sometimes I do not want to get out of bed. I am not exercising regularly. The thing is I *know* that (in my brain) being outside in sunlight and exercising will actually help my Depression, but when I am deep into it - I cannot convince my heart that it is true.
Also, I have always been a very bad "grazer". I snack throughout the day. Having my stomach cut down to small size doesn't really have a "penalty" for this. You know when we eat big meals or eat too many carbs we either throw up or go through dumping syndrome, so we get that negative feedback. But if I snack on little snacks all day, then I can take in lots of calories and can manage to not get sick.
So basically I've found all the ways to cheat around my bypass. I need to kick my butt back into motion.
All my progress really started going downhill when I stopped going to my support group. I had to because of personal reasons dealing with my oldest son who is Autistic, but I never made the effort to get back into it once our crisis was over. I thought I would be fine on my own. That is the biggest mistake I made. Then all the other mistakes followed right in line. Having that support and accountability is so, so, SO important. I never realized how much before.
My father had this surgery about a year ago, has lost 125 pounds has had his 1st full knee replacement fully healed and has his other knee scheduled for next month. This is the first time in 15 years he has not been in total pain. There are great successes out there. Mine is just a little one, and maybe just a little stalled. I'm not going to give up on this. I have the tool. And that is the thing that I forgot. Weight Loss Surgery is still just a tool to be used for weight loss. True it is like the Bulldozer of tools compared to diet pills being a hammer; but if you never turn the Bulldozer on, it still won't tear anything down. You have to use WLS the right way. You have to exercise, you have to eat three meals a day with no snacking, you have to take your vitamins - you have to do what the doctors told us to do before we ever started down this road.
So I guess I better go eat a little crow at a support group meeting, and get back in this for real. Y'all are free to start pummeling me with emails if i do not update on a regular basis from here on out.
So here we go (again)
18 July 2009
223 Pounds